im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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