I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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