I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Naked Twister starts at high noon
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Omg I joined a choir last night...
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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