when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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