Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
