If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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