Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
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