Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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