Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Randomize
