Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Your penis caused this!
Randomize