We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
MIDGETS
????
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
