my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
never. drinking. again.
lets not get ahead of ourselves.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I need to calm my uterus...
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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