i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I look better un-naked...
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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