well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
