it hurts more in the daytime
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
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