I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
lol hangovers are for mortals.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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