she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
