walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
