hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
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