he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
