She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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