I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
