I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
