omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
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