Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
