Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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