you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
