Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Randomize
