After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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