Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he was CRYING into my vagina
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
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