I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
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