i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
