I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
