i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Randomize
