the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
