3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
