so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
