And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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