Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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