I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
