do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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