id be glad to
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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