I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
