Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
