Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
