And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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