This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Randomize
