the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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