Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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