She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
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