Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
