I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
