there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
