two words: eviction party
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
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Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
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Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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