i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
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