well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
He literally asked permission to hit on me
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
