There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
