put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
