well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
