She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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