plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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