He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
