If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
