I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
