I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
