hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
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remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
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I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
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